The Dance Crasher Strikes Again

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Or will they? Since my article in the Enquirer on inappropriate dancing at jr. high mixers ("We have a responsibility to guide children" - June 2, 2008 - also posted on blog below) I have become somewhat of a dance crasher. Last weekend I slipped into another dance as the song "Let It Rock" was starting to the roar of delighted tweens and teens. I couldn't tell whether it was the edited version or not, but it doesn't matter; the kids know and enthusiastically sing the explicit version. If you're not familiar with the lyrics, they include "Panties drop. And the tops. And she gunna rock 'til the camera stop" - and becomes even more explicit. Not nearly as explicit as last years' seventh and eighth grade dance hit "Crank That Soulja Boy". (Do yourself a favor and Google the lyrics to that song!)

Words may not be all that can hurt our children; after all, a picture is worth a thousand words. One glance at any Myspace site and you're sure to cringe. The big trend now is to take a photo of yourself from above as to highlight your cleavage, some including peeping nipples. And it get worse. It's popular, seemingly legal, and no exaggeration, kiddy porn.

It's no wonder children are sending each other nude photos over their cell phones, and jig humping each other on the dance floor. I'm going to say what I said before, "I just don't get it."

The good news is, parents can make a difference. A few months ago I was invited to meet the head chaperone at a jr. high dance, whom I had sent my article. I was a little nervous and feeling a bit like Dana Carvey's character, The Church Lady. The chaperone's warm welcome and and even warmer smile was a relief. In fact all the parents involved were very upbeat. One of them had a sign pinned to his back that read "Zero tolerance for inappropriate dancing!!" There were similar signs on the DJ's desk, and the DJ announced it throughout the night. How did the children react? They said it was no fun. Was attendance down at the next dance? No, in fact it was up.

The best advice I ever received from a veteran parent was to "keep your kids close". Knowing where they are, what they're listening to, and watching is crucial to their emotional health. I check my children's phones and websites frequently. This formable time in their lives is not a time to give them their privacy or give in to trends. In spite of the initial reaction you'll get from them, they'll not only thrive on, but crave boundaries. All children want is to have a little fun, and be safe in the process. Many parents came up to me and thanked me for my previous article, and that felt great. But what really made my efforts worthwhile was when an eighth grade girl thanked me. Now that's what it's all about.

"We have a responsibility to guide children" as seen in the Cincinnati Enquirer.

Do you know what a grind line is? Twelve-year-olds do. I'm not talking about the forward line of the Detroit Red Wings of the National Hockey League. I'm talking about the "urban" definition as follows: 1. The vulgar dance where people rub their body parts against each other, usually to rap or techno. 2. A form of the most sexual dancing imaginable - and becomes even more explicit.
I recently heard a rumor that a local school was actually letting 7th-and 8th-grade children do this at their "mixer" dance, so I arrived 35 minutes early to pick up my daughter. From a distance it all looked so innocent. These young kids were happily dancing together, a far cry from standing at opposite ends of the gym from the boys as we did at that age. But upon looking harder, a flush of adrenaline rushed through my body as I saw that the rumor was true! It was actually worse than what I have seen college kids do at night clubs. Along with grinding was a boy firmly groping a girl's breast while sticking his tongue in her mouth. I went in and did what the chaperones weren't - I pried my arm between them and told them they were dancing too close. It wasn't hard to do, in fact it was quite easy. So why weren't they doing it? Are adults afraid of children? I just don't get it. I trusted wrongly that this school and its parent chaperones were watching out for my child. I have since learned that this is happening at junior high dances everywhere.
Why does today's society seem so eager to have sexually active children? One million teens in the USA will become pregnant over the next twelve months, with more than one-third ending in abortion. One in four teenage girls now have STDs. Almost 40% of women raped are teenagers, usually by their date. And not least, let's not forget the life-altering emotional turmoil a child endures when they are exposed to sex at such a young age.
I'm going to tailor my favorite quote by Marianne Williamson to challenge all of us parents and adults who work with children: "We ask ourselves, who am I to be children's keeper, protector, teacher, advocate? Actually, who are you not to be?" And if, because of your unpopular actions, your children's friends say to them, "I wouldn't want to have your parents.", know that in your child's heart and best interest, they are saying, "Actually, I wouldn't want not to".