Inspire!

Is God Talking to Me?

2012-02-08T13:01:00.000-08:00

After a good ten minutes into a bedtime story, my four year old pulled her two fingers out of her mouth just long enough to ask, "Are you talking to me?" I cracked up. Of course I was talking to her! I giggled myself to sleep that night.

When it comes to certain books in the Bible, interestingly enough, God is in fact not talking to us. At first I thought that this was just as absurd as my daughter not knowing that I was talking to her, as she was the only other person in the room.

So how do you know when God is talking to you, and when His intentions are for someone else? It's almost enough to make you give up reading the Bible; as if it's not confusing enough already. Luckily, we are not the first ones to read it, as it has been around for a while. There are plenty of people who have done the work and figured the Bible out for us.

First we must identify who we are. If you are reading this, you are among the "Church Age". That is everyone born between the time Jesus was ascended into Heaven, until the Rapture. The thirteen books in the Bible that are speaking to the Church Age are Romans through Philemon. They cover the writings of the Apostle Paul, who was speaking to us. This would be a good starting point for those that may want to cut to the chase, and read what was intended for them.

Don't get me wrong, I believe it to be very important to read the Bible in its entirety. Once you get into it, I'll guarantee you that you will be very happy that you are in the Church Age. We have it easier than those before us, and way better than those after.

Recommended reading on this subject: One Book Rightly Divided www.rightlydivided.com

Bible Bait: A Beginner's Mind View of God's Word

2012-02-02T07:49:00.000-08:00

Something kind of scary happened to me recently. In a conversation with an acquaintance, I happened to mention that I was a Christian. He smiled and said, "I know, I read your stuff". "How could that be?" I asked myself. I have been writing as an undercover Christian for years. Did he crack my code? Apparently I let out a hint or two that had given me away.

Then, something even scarier happened. While I was praying, (and actually listening for a change) I heard Jesus whisper in my ear, "Write more about Me." I pretended not to hear. If I brought Him into my writing, I might lose the interest of my readers. And worse, I could lose friends altogether. Why would he ask me to write about Him anyway? True, I have known Him most of my life, but I ignore Him half the time, and I haven't even read his best seller.

Now pretending not to hear Jesus is like pretending that the dryer is shrinking my clothes. I know better. So after months of being 'too busy,' I have decided to answer His call. My first action was to get my nose into His Book, and I am attending a Bible study that is off the charts. It doesn't take long to realize that you are reading something so profound that only our God himself could have written it. The truth is a trip, people!

Some of you may be wondering what I've been smoking. Actually, I took a pill; the red one. Like Neo in the movie "The Matrix," I have been awakened to the fact that our daily lives are but a mere illusion of something much, much greater. Once you find out the truth, you want your friends and even your enemies to find out, too. This works well into the plan of writing more about Jesus…because now I want to!

So once a week I'm going to post a thought provoking article about our Creator and His intentions for us. The segment will be called "Bible Bait: A Beginner's Mind View of God's Word". I am humbled that I was recruited to do this job, and eternally grateful for the wealth of truth that I am picking up along the way.

Many thanks to my husband and kids, who know all too well how much this new occupation pays. It should, however, make for a nice example of delayed gratification.

And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. John 8:32

Footloose Movie Review and High School Dances Video

2011-10-19T10:44:00.000-07:00

The only real negative comment I have on the new movie "Footloose" is that you can't get up and dance in the theater! Too bad. Other than that, I was pleasantly surprised to find this film so much fun to watch. Many critics were disappointed that it was too similar to the original. I believe these are the same people that would have complained if they had strayed too much.

There is, of course, some teen sensuality, drinking and drug use, but my most ardent warning to parents is about the dancing.

The truth is, we could only dream of dances like this for our kids. The film is a bit misleading if parents think this is the way kids are dancing at their school dances. It's not. I can understand why any misinformed parent might be angry at their school for kicking their child out of a dance, or canceling a dance altogether, if they are to believe it is anything like the movie.

Below is a video that clearly illustrates how Jr. High and High school dances have degenerated into something much more serious. I know several principals, teachers and parents that will vouch to it's accuracy in how it portrays the typical behavior at today's dances. Please watch with caution, as it is not intended for viewers younger than Jr. High age. Also, please watch to the end with an open mind, and an open heart. I hope it inspires you to act to make a positive difference for our kids, who truly deserve the best!

Click on image above to view video.

What is Formspring?

2011-09-27T10:03:00.000-07:00

A great article from Common Sense Media...

http://www.commonsensemedia.org/new/family-battles-formspring?utm_source=cyberbullying_sa09.27.11&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=formspring

Online Parenting. Do You Check Your Child's Social Networking?

2011-08-10T08:37:00.001-07:00

CLICK HERE to check out my article on Online Parenting.

So Annoying!

2011-07-13T17:38:00.000-07:00

Being a good parent can mean being quite annoying in your childrens' eyes. This video assures parents that keeping a close watch on their online activity is quite necessary in spite of their children's hostility towards it. If you’re worried about how all of this intrusive policing might affect your friendship with them, remember this: The ultimate reward of being our children's friend is not only enriched, but dependent on the fact that we are first their teachers.

IS THE WORLD REALLY GOING TO END ON MAY 21, 2011?

2011-04-14T13:41:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you, but I absolutely love vacations. Often, the time building up to them can be just as exciting as the time spent away. I start packing weeks beforehand, and gratuitously shop for new things to wear while I'm there. I think about all of the great things I'll get to do while there, that in my routine life I don't have the chance for. I eat right and workout as to be in my best shape. I make reservations for things I probably don't need to before I'm there, and plan out my time so that I have plenty of unplanned time. I do all of this with great anticipation!

I don't know whether you've heard of this yet, or not, but there is a rumor going around that Jesus is coming back to judge the living and the dead next month. May 21, 2011 to be exact. Personally, I don't think Jesus would have said, "But of that day and hour knoweth no [man], no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only." (Matthew 24:36) if he didn't really mean it. Either way, how does one prepare for this trip?

I believe a friend of mine has the answer. He says he's packing his bags for heaven…with souls! And he is as excited about it as I have ever been for any Earthly vacation. All you have to do is get people to believe in Jesus, know they are sinners, and know they are forgiven. It really is that easy! So, whether this awesome trip begins on May 21, 2011, December 21, 2012, or later today, I think I'm going to start packing for it. Does anyone want to come with me?

More divorces are filed in January than any other month.

2011-01-04T07:43:00.000-08:00

More people file for divorce in January than any other time of the year. This could be due to the holiday delay, finances, or a resolution for change. To the children involved, the real reason doesn’t matter; to them, it’s their fault. The ultimate goal of Standing on My Own Two Feet is to help them understand that it’s not, and that their parents’ love for them is unconditional.

For more information, log on to

www.tamaraschmitz.com

What If

2010-10-14T15:59:00.000-07:00

Just saw this movie and would recommend it to everyone!

http://www.youtube.com/whatifmovie

Ch--ch...What's missing?

2010-09-19T08:42:00.000-07:00

The darling little girl that sits in front of me most of the time greets me at the door today, all by herself. Not long ago the priest had her stand on the pew and asked her if she loved her dad. We all fell in love with her. I proceed inside and two young high school gentlemen sporting matching jackets are ready to escort me to a seat, but unfortunately I arrive too early to need their services. It seems like just yesterday they were little boys bringing crayons and Cheerios to church. There is a rustling of noise coming from the choir as they prepare to sing us into the present. An elderly gentleman gets help to his seat from what always seems to be an extended family reunion. They take up the entire pew. Sporting everything but their shin guards, a few of the 6th graders make it obvious that they have a soccer game right after church. The woman who sits in the front row to the left fills me with joy, as she always does, with her smile that lights up the entire 1960's modern church, despite her wheelchair and the need for an assistant. I look over at our pastor and wonder what wisdom he'll share with us today, as he explains something to the young new server. We all stand as the music director magically transforms this huge piece of furniture into beautiful and inspiring music. The man that always comes in late and sits in the front row, comes in late and sits in the front row. The family with six kids sneaks in as the last moment as well, and I'm thinking that if I had that many kids to get ready I'd be lucky to get there before the second reading. 'Better late than never' applies quite seriously here at church.

Do I ever wish I was still home reading the Sunday paper in my pajamas? Do I feel like I have no choice whether I go to church or not? No and No. And this I feel even before mass begins! I choose Sunday mass will all my heart and soul, because I choose to be a part of something much better than listening to the gloomy news in my cluttered home, or sleeping away my life. After all, how could anything compete with the sharing of the actual body and blood of Jesus Christ among fellow Catholics like that precious little greeter girl, or the elderly man surrounded with enormous amounts of love? The only sadness that sneaks into my heart is the empty pew where you used to sit. Then the singing begins, and my sadness returns to joy, especially as I remember what a priest once told me: "If God gave you a bad singing voice, then give it right back to him!" So I do…

Here in this place, new light is streaming
now is the darkness vanished away,
see, in this space, our fears and our dreamings,
brought here to you in the light of this day.

Gather us in the lost and forsaken
gather us in the blind and the lame;
call to us now, and we shall awaken
we shall arise at the sound of our name.

We are the young – our lives are a mystery
we are the old – who yearns for your face.
we have been sung throughout all of history
called to be light to the whole human race.

Gather us in the rich and the haughty
gather us in the proud and the strong
give us a heart so meek and so lowly
give us the courage to enter the song.

Here we will take the wine and the water
here we will take the bread of new birth
here you shall call your sons and your daughters
call us anew to be salt of the earth.

Give us to drink the wine of compassion
give us to eat the bread that is you
nourish us well and teach us to fashion
lives that are holy and hearts that are true.

Moms 4 Family TV | Moms Who Want Better Family TV Shows and Better TV for Their Kids

2010-07-14T14:49:00.000-07:00

Hey look! I found another group of awesome Moms (and Dads, too, I'm sure!) that are excited about bringing back family TV. Check these guys out...

Moms 4 Family TV | Moms Who Want Better Family TV Shows and Better TV for Their Kids

I joined the National Board of Mothers for Family Values Cinema

2010-06-01T13:09:00.000-07:00

I was beginning to think I was the last parent alive that took an interest in what my kids were watching, as finding a family-friendly movie has become somewhat of a rather time-consuming sport. And winning really big is when you not only find a flick without 60 plus f-words and graphic sex or violent scenes, but a very entertaining one as well.

Apparently, there are other parents (you, of course!) that are tired of using "the blanket". As I mentioned in the post "The Blanket", Kids-in-Mind.com has been a great help in plucking out the weeds.

I've recently joined the National Board of Mothers in reviewing movies for Family Values Cinema. They have created a DVD movie club service that provides quality family movies with good morals delivered straight to your door. (I've added a link to the site; check out the free movie offer!)

So, I get the chance to feel a little bit like Roger Ebert and Dana Carvey as the Church Lady combined, and I admit, I kind of like it. When I score big and come across a great family movie, I'll be sure to let you know!

Over 2 million couples will file as married on this year's tax form,

2010-04-12T07:18:00.000-07:00

for the last time.

____________________________________________

That is, until they get married again, and risk an even greater rate of divorce. (67%)

More people file for divorce the day after the federal tax deadline than any other day of the year.

The United States has the highest divorce rate of any country, by far.
(Sri Lanka is the place to go for everlasting love.)

The good people of Phoenix, AZ have a strange sense of humor;
the day they file for most divorces is February 14th.

I'll place a bet that I don't need to name the state with the highest divorce rate.

And last, but by far not least:

This year, over 1 million children will witness the division of their family,
and their worlds will change as they know them.

www.tamaraschmitz.com

Mind, Body and Conscience Wars

2010-03-09T10:42:00.000-08:00

On today's routine jog through the neighborhood, I stumbled upon a little change purse lying in the middle of the road. My brain's first reaction was that it was dirty, to let it be. But my body did not obey, and it quickly picked it up. Then my conscience butted in and asked, "What if there is money in that purse?" I quickly answered it, and said that I would put it back where I found it, in case someone retraces their steps in an attempt to retrieve it. Again my conscience persisted, "What if there is a rather large sum of money in that purse?" An image of a new coat popped into my head without effort, then an image of a grand beach vacation. "I didn't mean to think that," I told my conscience, while secretly, to myself I was thinking, "What would I do?" I turned the little purse around and it read "I Love My Dog!" I looked inside.

It contained dog poop, wrapped in a bag. My body kicked in again and swiftly tossed it back out into the street while simultaneously my conscience laughed it's smart little head off. I smiled for the rest of the jog, with the warm sun in my face, fully appreciating the poetic justice of life!

Do I really have bad breath?

2010-02-23T16:38:00.000-08:00

Why is it that my loved ones choose to throw certain insults my way only when they are mad at me? I just can't tell if they are true that way.

A recent libel was that I had bad breath! I brush about six or seven times a day and floss daily. (well, almost daily) Laying it on me when things were peachy would have been mortifying but advantageous. I would have simply gone to the doctor and been treated for chronic halitosis. I mean who wants to walk around with bad breath?

Are there breathalyzers that test stink? I wish you could see it. Until the people I call dear look me in the eye and say it's true, when they're not steaming mad at me, I'll take it for what I very much hope it is: a backhanded insult.

Write, don't call!

2010-02-02T07:04:00.001-08:00

People who know me, know that if they really want to get my attention they need to email me. Contacting me by phone is usually a lost cause. I'll call them back in about a week. I loath the tele, and typically avoid it's use.

Unless I have a book proposal in to a publisher... it then becomes an accessory. I literally wear it.

However, when it rings, I really don't want it to be my husband informing me that he's going to be late for lunch. (Although it is very considerate of him.) Nor do I want it to be the principal calling to inform me that my son's been in a fight. I don't even want it to be my mom, (Mom- I'm just trying to be funny.) and I especially don't want it to be a sales call!

I want it to be the publisher with some cute little New York accent proclaiming that she loves my book. I want her to ask me how quickly I can finish writing it so that the world can be a better place.

Then, I can get back to the business of my life, which most definitely does not include the phone.

Writer on Steroids

2010-01-14T07:06:00.000-08:00

After a wine-inspired and therefor enlightened writing session, I resolved not to rely on a drug to help me write. It felt a little as if I was an athlete using steroids.

I sit here now, however, with a very serious macchiato.

I always want to cry when I see how tiny a portion of a shot of espresso is. However, when done right, each sip lingers longer than it is dark. Its heat warms my gelid hands, enabling them to type. It's rich burnt-caramel color inspires a creative surge. It's caffeine awakens my writing moxie.

"It this allowed?" I ask myself.

Without any further ado, I sip, and write on.

If there's no Santa, what about God?

2009-12-14T08:03:00.000-08:00

My son, ever so matter-of-factly, informed me that he has known for several years now that there is no Santa. That night, the common follow-up question arrived. "Is there any proof that there is a God?" he solemnly asked.

With all my heart and soul, I told him that the proof was looking me right in the eyes. His immediate smile, beaming as bright as Bethlehem's star, was proof to me that I was right.

Merry Christmas!

Seventeen magazine not suitable for girls

2009-10-16T10:20:00.000-07:00

I received my daughter's first copy of Seventeen magazine in the mail today. I searched online before I ordered to make sure that it's content was appropriate for a 15 year old, and found most reviewers to say that it was just fine for 14-20 year-olds.

Well, it's fine if you want your daughter to have a new hook-up manual mailed every month to your home. There is definitely a tone of "What the heck, have sex, it's fun! But here are some tips on doing it with style..."

I called the magazine and they gave me the correct number to call to get a refund, in this case a school magazine fundraiser company. They promptly said I could switch to another magazine.

I'm glad I took the time, which like you I have little of, to have a curious and caring eye. Never underestimate the influence you have over your kids. Doing nothing in this case would have been doing something. It would have sent the message to my daughter that I agree with the content of that magazine, which I most certainly do not!

Tyler Perry's 'I Can Do Bad All by Myself' is No. 1 in weekend box office!

2009-09-14T07:47:00.000-07:00

Speaking of movies for the family, (this one PG13) Tyler Perry has done it again topping the box office sales for opening movies this weekend. If you are not familiar with Madea my friends, it is time to make up for lost time. Go to the theaters and enjoy!

The Blanket

2009-07-17T20:11:00.000-07:00

Ask anyone in my house what "the blanket" is, and you're sure to get a smile. When I'm caught off guard as we watch a movie together, and an inappropriate scene is bestowed upon us, I quickly cover the screen with my blanket. Between not getting to the T.V. in time, and the lack of desire to fund hollywood's moral decay, I had to find a better system.

And that I did. It is the website called "Kids in Mind". (www.kids-in-mind.com) It gives comprehensive reviews for parents interested in what their kids are watching. It rates three categories, Sex & Nudity, Violence & Gore, and Profanity on a scale from 1-10, and gives detailed descriptions. In fact I often check out movies that I am to watch without the kids, as I am less inclined to rent or go see a movie with 57 F-words. (What's that about!)

So pop some popcorn, grab your favorite couch or spot on the floor, and if it's a hot summer night, you can skip the blanket!

2009 New York Book Festival Honorable Mention

2009-06-02T13:59:00.000-07:00

I am tickled to say that I just won an Honorable Mention at the New York Book Festival!

2009-05-27T15:00:00.000-07:00

CLICK HERE to view Book trailer.

Burger King's Sir Mix A-lot Ad

2009-04-30T09:54:00.000-07:00

I don't watch a lot of TV. It's idiotic content irks me. So if Burger King's Sir mix a-lot / Spongebob kids meal commercial has been out for a while, please excuse my tardiness in response. This creepy ad incorporates "Baby Got Back" into a ninety-nine cent kids meal ad. Did they also pay only ninety-nine cents for the idea? Are they afraid lack of nutrition isn't enough to bring children down? I have the sentiment of Droopy when he says "You know what? That makes me mad", but my physical response is more like that of the Tasmanian Devil. You might say I'm broiling mad!

Making a Book Trailer

2009-04-06T16:33:00.000-07:00

I had more fun making this book trailer than I did making the book! The kids were too cute, and Apple's iMovie application was versatile and easy to learn. Check it out!

Selecting a Finished Art Style

2009-03-10T08:47:00.000-07:00

Prior to working on "Standing on My Own Two Feet", I was illustrating the Mallory series with a hand painted black line and computer generated combination technique. Eager to use paints again, I played around with several different styles. Being a mother first leaves me limited time to work, so whatever style I chose, it had to be a quick one! I particularly liked the look of the upper right study. I decided against it for one reason: I wanted babies to easily recognize every part of the boy, from the tippy top of his head...down to his toes. So I chose a style with (roughly) proportionate figures and a clean outlined drawing.

The technique I ended up using was painting on both sides of velum mylar, or a translucent plastic sheet of 'paper'. Will Hillenbrand, an inspiring children's book author and illustrator, has mastered this technique, which is why I called him when my paint started peeling off the mylar. God bless his helpful soul! It ended up being a more time consuming technique than I originally thought, and had less time to finish final art than I originally thought...five weeks! Thanks to my husband for doing ALL the household chores for those long for him and short for me days.

Do check out www.willhillenbrand.com for his great advice on writing and illustrating children's books.

The Making of a Book

2009-03-03T07:10:00.000-08:00

On the rare occasion that I clean my studio, as I move my organized 'piles', I am reminded of exactly how much work goes into the making of a book. I thought it might be fun to share the process with you. Maybe once my work is documented I can get rid of some of my piles. Maybe.

As an author and illustrator, it is most natural for me to conceptualize the words and pictures simultaneously. So I start right away with lots of notes and sketches.

The next step is to sort of 'storyboard' your book, or rough in what each spread will look like.
Then a small scale dummy is made, so that you can see exactly what happens as you flip through the pages. (A dummy is a prototype, or mock-up. And you're not a dummy to ask : )

The next step is to make a full size dummy. Before I do that, however, if I don't have a particular finished art style in mind, I have to decide on one. It's time to get out the paints... or markers, pastels, pencils, etc... and get busy!

What do A-Rod and Michael Phelps have in common besides illegal drug use?

2009-02-20T08:12:00.000-08:00

What do A-Rod and Michael Phelps have in common besides illegal drug use? They both present us parents with teachable moments. My first reaction is to be angry at these undesirable actions made by the very people our children look up to. Then I have to take a deep breath and accept the gift of an opportunity to talk about these issues with the kids.

Having no bus service to my children's school is a blessing, given that I find it the best time to talk casually with them. (Not to mention that I have a captive audience.) I keep it simple and forthright, but when I do lose it and and start to get a bit preachy, I remind myself that their rolling eyes and claims of not listening are no reflection of the positive influence it has on them.

Talk, talk, talk!

A Love Story

2009-02-10T16:44:00.001-08:00

I believe we are taught best by the examples of others, and I believe these others do not cross our paths by mistake. My husband and I met a woman, or should I say, was sent a woman to teach us the power of prevailing love and gratitude. She had every reason to be bitter, with losing her only son to a car accident when he was a teenager, and her best friend and loving husband of over fifty years to a sudden heart attack. Instead of harboring anger, she radiated joy at such a frequency that we felt it from the top deck of a Lake Geneva ferry boat as it returned to the dock to pick up this exuberant minute-late tourist.

The law of attraction would have it that she appeared right behind us looking for a place to sit, attached to her face a smile bigger than the lake itself. I scrambled to find her a chair and sat it next to mine. We sat and talked for the whole two hour tour, at one time actually being told to quiet down by the tour guide over the loud speaker. My personal tour guide was more like a shepherd, not only coloring me the history of the lake more thoroughly than a Fodor guide book, but showing me what a life of happiness could look like if I let it.

Towards the end of the tour she pointed out the finest restaurant on the lake, not so humbly perched, and fluffing it's feathers as if to lure in those who dare. Without the slightest hint of melancholy, she showed us the corner window where her and her husband used to dine every time they came to Lake Geneva. She was quite positive that I would sell enough of my newly released book to afford the experience, and I could do nothing but go along with that notion. We ended up dining together that evening, finishing our drinks on the deck overlooking the carthemus pink sunset over the lake.

I believe I have a crush on this tiny blue-eyed woman who came in to my life for a fleeting moment, teaching me a lesson that will last a lifetime. We all said goodbye somehow confident that we would meet again. I've never wanted to return to a vacation destination, as there is more world than I have time to see, but I have a feeling this repeat would be worth missing a new view or two!

Book Trailers

2009-01-26T11:29:00.000-08:00

The new trend in promoting books are book trailers, and I've been lassoed in. I'm devoted to climbing the slow but exciting learning curve of iMovie, and to mastering the gift of getting my 'actors' to cooperate. At this time I have more out-takes than in-takes. Here are a few...

The Dance Crasher Strikes Again

2009-01-19T11:30:00.000-08:00

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Or will they? Since my article in the Enquirer on inappropriate dancing at jr. high mixers ("We have a responsibility to guide children" - June 2, 2008 - also posted on blog below) I have become somewhat of a dance crasher. Last weekend I slipped into another dance as the song "Let It Rock" was starting to the roar of delighted tweens and teens. I couldn't tell whether it was the edited version or not, but it doesn't matter; the kids know and enthusiastically sing the explicit version. If you're not familiar with the lyrics, they include "Panties drop. And the tops. And she gunna rock 'til the camera stop" - and becomes even more explicit. Not nearly as explicit as last years' seventh and eighth grade dance hit "Crank That Soulja Boy". (Do yourself a favor and Google the lyrics to that song!)

Words may not be all that can hurt our children; after all, a picture is worth a thousand words. One glance at any Myspace site and you're sure to cringe. The big trend now is to take a photo of yourself from above as to highlight your cleavage, some including peeping nipples. And it get worse. It's popular, seemingly legal, and no exaggeration, kiddy porn.

It's no wonder children are sending each other nude photos over their cell phones, and jig humping each other on the dance floor. I'm going to say what I said before, "I just don't get it."

The good news is, parents can make a difference. A few months ago I was invited to meet the head chaperone at a jr. high dance, whom I had sent my article. I was a little nervous and feeling a bit like Dana Carvey's character, The Church Lady. The chaperone's warm welcome and and even warmer smile was a relief. In fact all the parents involved were very upbeat. One of them had a sign pinned to his back that read "Zero tolerance for inappropriate dancing!!" There were similar signs on the DJ's desk, and the DJ announced it throughout the night. How did the children react? They said it was no fun. Was attendance down at the next dance? No, in fact it was up.

The best advice I ever received from a veteran parent was to "keep your kids close". Knowing where they are, what they're listening to, and watching is crucial to their emotional health. I check my children's phones and websites frequently. This formable time in their lives is not a time to give them their privacy or give in to trends. In spite of the initial reaction you'll get from them, they'll not only thrive on, but crave boundaries. All children want is to have a little fun, and be safe in the process. Many parents came up to me and thanked me for my previous article, and that felt great. But what really made my efforts worthwhile was when an eighth grade girl thanked me. Now that's what it's all about.

DIVORCE - Helping children to cope with this difficult change.

2009-01-13T10:54:00.000-08:00

Check out my article, "DIVORCE - Helping children to cope with this difficult change." in this month's issue of ParentGuide, NYC's oldest and largest local parenting publication. Click on cover image to view.

Downloadable Bookmark

2009-01-07T10:38:00.000-08:00

I've just added a downloadable bookmark of the Six Golden Rules to Help Children Through Divorce (see earlier post) to my website. Click on image if you'd like your own "BookMinder".

Divorce Day: Is it this first working Monday of the new year?

2009-01-05T16:17:00.000-08:00

Kindly waiting for the holidays to be over, this first working Monday of the new year is thought to be the day most people file for divorce. But some lawyers argue that the big day is April 16th, once finances are neatly revealed. With Valentine's Day in between, I'm sure Hallmark prefers the latter. Either way, according to the courts, January is the month when most divorces are filed.

With this in mind, keep any children involved in your hearts. Let them know often that the divorce is not their fault and that their parents love them to pieces, just the same as they always did!

I hope you have a very happy and peaceful new year!

2008-12-11T15:00:00.000-08:00

Few joys are as great
as truly believing in something,
or as effective
in making them come true!

The noisy wheel gets the grease!

2008-11-14T06:02:00.000-08:00

An dear old friend of mine, Fritz Hoffman taught me one of life's great quotes: "The noisy wheel gets the grease!" This was after I effortlessly walked into the accountant's office and asked for my paycheck, late on a payday Friday, when no one had yet received theirs, and she gave it to me. Simple, yet effective. Fritz's hearty laugh and reciting of the greasy wheel quote has subtly (or maybe not so subtly!) empowered me throughout my life.

The article "We have a responsibility to guide children" (see earlier post) is a great example of a rather simple effort rewarded with a positive response. Last week I went in to meet the head chaperone at a jr. high dance, who had received my article and invited me to the dance. I was a little nervous, and feeling a bit like Dana Carvey's character, the church lady. The chaperone's warm welcome and and even warmer smile was a relief. In fact all the parents involved were very upbeat. One of them had a sign pinned to his back that read "Zero tolerance to inappropriate dancing!!" There were similar signs on the DJ's desk, and the DJ announced it throughout the night. And the best part of all, was that after having enforced the stricter dancing policy at the previous dance, attendance was not down. In fact it was up!

In spite of the initial reaction you get from children, they thrive with boundaries. All children (and adults for that matter) just want to be safe.... and have a little fun!

IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY, TAKE A MOMENT TO READ THE FOLLOWING ARTICLE!

2008-11-11T11:27:00.000-08:00

Below is an article that was published last June in the Cincinnati Enquirer. Take a moment to read it, then check in later this week to read how speaking up and making a stance helped hundreds of children!

"We have a responsibility to guide children" as seen in the Cincinnati Enquirer.

2008-11-11T11:24:00.000-08:00

Do you know what a grind line is? Twelve-year-olds do. I'm not talking about the forward line of the Detroit Red Wings of the National Hockey League. I'm talking about the "urban" definition as follows: 1. The vulgar dance where people rub their body parts against each other, usually to rap or techno. 2. A form of the most sexual dancing imaginable - and becomes even more explicit.
I recently heard a rumor that a local school was actually letting 7th-and 8th-grade children do this at their "mixer" dance, so I arrived 35 minutes early to pick up my daughter. From a distance it all looked so innocent. These young kids were happily dancing together, a far cry from standing at opposite ends of the gym from the boys as we did at that age. But upon looking harder, a flush of adrenaline rushed through my body as I saw that the rumor was true! It was actually worse than what I have seen college kids do at night clubs. Along with grinding was a boy firmly groping a girl's breast while sticking his tongue in her mouth. I went in and did what the chaperones weren't - I pried my arm between them and told them they were dancing too close. It wasn't hard to do, in fact it was quite easy. So why weren't they doing it? Are adults afraid of children? I just don't get it. I trusted wrongly that this school and its parent chaperones were watching out for my child. I have since learned that this is happening at junior high dances everywhere.
Why does today's society seem so eager to have sexually active children? One million teens in the USA will become pregnant over the next twelve months, with more than one-third ending in abortion. One in four teenage girls now have STDs. Almost 40% of women raped are teenagers, usually by their date. And not least, let's not forget the life-altering emotional turmoil a child endures when they are exposed to sex at such a young age.
I'm going to tailor my favorite quote by Marianne Williamson to challenge all of us parents and adults who work with children: "We ask ourselves, who am I to be children's keeper, protector, teacher, advocate? Actually, who are you not to be?" And if, because of your unpopular actions, your children's friends say to them, "I wouldn't want to have your parents.", know that in your child's heart and best interest, they are saying, "Actually, I wouldn't want not to".

And Rule # 6 - The most golden of all rules!

2008-11-03T11:01:00.000-08:00

6. Explain to them what unconditional love is! To know that you are loved beyond measure, to no end, is the most powerful and healing concept that a human can grasp. Give this gift to your child above all, whether you're divorced or not. And believe in it for yourself. There is a love for us far greater than we can conceive, no spouse necessary!

Rule #5

2008-10-30T10:31:00.000-07:00

5. Do not criticize your ex-spouse. (That is criticizing your child!) This may be the hardest rule of all. Children instinctively know that, on a cellular level, they are made up of both of you. You might as well be saying, "You are a loser!" when you call your ex-spouse one. There is a saying that goes, "When shooting an arrow of truth, one must first dip it in honey." Buy honey by the case!

Rule #4

2008-10-29T16:27:00.000-07:00

4. Encourage them to ask questions. Sometimes we, in the midst of divorce, are so lost in our own thoughts that we often go for hours without a spoken word. Break the silence by a simple "How ya doin', hun?" Meet their eyes and give them your undivided attention, even if just for a fleeting minute. Give them the opportunity, and they'll be more likely to talk and ask questions. Keep it simple, casual and frequent.

Rule # 3

2008-10-27T15:09:00.000-07:00

3. Let them know that you will still be their parents, even though the marriage has ended. Seems silly doesn't it? Well, children can be silly! Let them know you will always be there for them, and that nothing could ever change the fact that you are their mom and dad. Children may fear abandonment of one or both parents, and not even ask about it. They are never too young or too old to let them know that mom will always be mom and dad will always be dad!

Rule # 2

2008-10-24T06:27:00.000-07:00

2. Reassure children often that the divorce is not their fault. Children of all ages blame themselves. "If I would have thrown Mommy a better birthday party, they wouldn't have got divorced!" or, "If I keep my room extra clean, they won't fight" are often the perspectives of children. Many children hear their parents arguing over parenting issues. They need to know that most arguments about them result from problems in the marriage, not with them, and that they had absolutely nothing to do with your decision to divorce.

Rule#1

2008-10-22T10:46:00.000-07:00

Over the next few days I'd like to go into more detail on the Six Golden Rules to Help Your Children Through Divorce, one rule at a time.

Rule # 1: With your spouse, tell your children before change takes place. Four out of five preschool aged children are never even told about their parents divorce! Babies know when there is a change in routine, or any stress in the household. Not only will this be one of the hardest conversations you'll have to have with your children, but you'll have to have it with the person you maybe least like. And don't dismiss the idea of seeking help from a school counselor, mental health professional, social worker, religious advisor or support group for yourself, your children or the family as a whole. Other cultures call this "enlightenment. I called it necessary.

The Six Golden Rules

2008-10-21T07:34:00.000-07:00

Children do face difficulties when families separate. Fortunately, there are efforts parents can make to lower these hurdles. We have to shift our personal strength into overdrive; first meet our basic needs, then set ourselves aside and meet the needs of our children. Easier said than done, but isn't that what we as parents are supposed to do?
To keep myself in check, I compiled a short list of the most important advice for parents in this predicament and posted it on my refrigerator. I call them the Six Golden Rules to Help Children Through Divorce. These rules can be simple and obvious, but difficult to abide by, and easily forgotten in our strife.
1. With your spouse, tell your children before change takes place.
2. Reassure children often that the divorce is not their fault.
3. Let them know that you will still be their parents, even though the marriage has ended.
4. Encourage them to ask questions.
5. Do not criticize your ex-spouse. (That is criticizing them!)
6. Explain to them what unconditional love is!